I officially entered the world of online dating this week with one of the most ridiculous and awkward first dates. My excitement for the date largely stemmed from his height being over 6’5”. Perhaps I have finally learned that there are more important things in a man than his being very tall?
From the very beginning we got off to a bad start on Tuesday when he arrived 2 hours late with no apologies. Now, to be fair, when he said he’d be at the North Berkeley BART station between 2:30-3:30 I perhaps should have suspected him to be less than prompt. However, not wanting to keep him waiting, I got to the station right at 2:30. I sat on a bench, pulled out my book and offered thanks for such a beautiful day. At 3:00 I received an e-mail from my date informing me he was running late and probably wouldn’t be there until 3:30 or 4:00. I sighed. At least I had a good book to keep me occupied (I was reading Jane Austen’s Persuasion). At 4:30 I started getting a bit anxious. Did he get off at the Downtown Berkeley stop instead of the North Berkeley stop? Was I being stood up? Should I just call it a day and head home?
As I was getting ready to leave he came rounding the corner. He explained that he ended up driving from San Francisco and that there was more traffic than he anticipated on the Bay Bridge
We arrived at Café Leila. I ordered a decaf latte (it was 5:00 at this point, after all!) and he ordered jasmine lemonade and a sandwich. I suggested we sit outside, which was almost the entire reason I wanted to go to Café Leila. He hesitated and said he didn’t want to sit in direct sunlight. Ok, so did he want to sit inside? Well…as long as we could sit in the shade, we should be ok. We found a spot under a large umbrella and sat.
“Sorry,” he said, “I’m just a bit of a vampire.”
“Oh, do you mean you burn easily?”
“Well, that and I like to drink blood.”
Uncomfortable laughter.
“But don’t worry not human blood…at least, not usually.”
My smile faltered. Surely he was kidding; I only wished he would indicate as much!
His sandwich arrived. I asked questions. He answered. He said “like” almost every other word, sometimes several times in a row. At one point I counted “like” 7 times! It was as if he was a CD with a scratch on it, skipping over and over. Perhaps I am being insensitive but having studied oral rhetoric I am pickier than most. Maybe he had a stutter. Maybe he was nervous. Either way it was distracting.
I was bored.
I was bored.
At one point he randomly asked me if I babysat much when I was a teenager. Yes. Yes I did. Did he? A bit. Sometimes he was good at it sometimes, sometimes not. Mildly intrigued I asked him what he meant.
“Well, I babysat some girls in my neighborhood and I didn’t always…I mean boundaries were difficult…I mean, it’s a long story…”
He probably didn’t mean what it sounded like he could have meant but there were alarm bells going off inside my head at this. I work with young people and have gone through many training courses aimed at preventing sexual harassment and abuse his halting explanation did not entirely sit well with me.
When he was halfway through with his sandwich he interrupted me to apologize for “spacing out.” I had been totally unaware.
“I do that sometimes,” he explained, “when I’m digesting.”
“Oh, that’s ok,” I assured him, not quite sure at all.
When I asked what he did for work he confessed that he has been unemployed for a year and a half. He is currently trying to figure out what he wants to do next. Previously he worked as a computer programmer and, in an effort to explain why that’s not the best fit for his personality he asked if I am familiar with and believe in Myers-Briggs. I do. I told him that I am an ENFP.
“My mom is and ENFP. I think I can relate.”
Two things went through my mind at this moment. The first was, “I am NOT your mother.” I had to bite my tongue to keep from blurting this out. The other was whether he would be able to relate to me as an ENFP if he didn’t know anyone else with this same personality type. I did not pursue either thought.
When he was finished with his food he sat back and said “I think I’m 90% done.” I glanced at his completely empty plate and glass. All I could do by way of response was to chuckle. “No, I’m just kidding, I think I’m done. I just need to digest.” Again with the digestion!
“Ok, well would walking help you with that?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think so.”
I gathered my things and made to get up but he stopped me.
“Actually, I think I just need to sit for a few minutes.”
I settled myself back down.
And we sat.
“Ok, well would walking help you with that?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think so.”
I gathered my things and made to get up but he stopped me.
“Actually, I think I just need to sit for a few minutes.”
I settled myself back down.
And we sat.
At last! We left the restaurant and headed back to the BART station. As we began walking he asked me what my “world vision” is. When I asked for clarification he asked what I believe about the universe. Again, I pressed for a more specific question. He explained that ENFPs tend to be idealists and he wanted to know if that was true of me. Yes, I am an idealist. I am passionate and care about many causes and issues but I have difficulty focusing or committing to one. I am distractable. For example, I love to write stories but I rarely finish them. I have a string of stories started and characters created but other than poems I couldn’t readily think of a completed project.
“I don’t really understand what you’re saying but I’ll try to relate.”
Is my experience really so unusual? I took a deep breath and quickened my steps, quite ready to be heading home alone.
When we were almost at the train station he told me his mom thinks he’s the second coming of Christ. I did not know what to say to this! “Don’t worry, I’m not. It was just a weird message to grow-up with.” Indeed.
We finally made it to the station and his waiting car. I wished him a safe trip home. He hoped I had a good rest of my day. We parted ways. I began to walk home a bit dazed, not quite sure what I had just sat through. However, as I started telling my sister Hannah about it I began laughing out loud as I strolled down University. It may not have been a successful match but I am still highly amused by the experience. I have a date on Saturday (obviously with someone else) and I am feeling much better prepared to tackle the beast that is online dating.
